5 Tips for Dealing With Toxic People in Your Life

Toxic people are everywhere — you can’t avoid them unless you choose to be alone and interact with no human being for a lifetime. Unfortunately, to build great relationships, you’ll sometimes have to run into terrible ones. While you shouldn’t tolerate being threatened or treated horribly, sometimes you have no option but to grin and bear it around some people because they may not be someone you want to let go of, like a family member or a lifelong friend.

Still, even if you want to preserve that relationship, you need to put your foot down and make it clear that you cannot stand for being disrespected. Try the following tactics to protect yourself in relationships you want to repair or continue having.

1. Set Boundaries

Boundaries are great in any relationship, but they are essential when dealing with an unavoidable toxic person. Healthy boundaries are rules set in exchange for the pleasure of your company — rules that a person has to follow to spend time with you, as you don’t want to put yourself in an uncomfortable position. Setting boundaries might seem selfish if you’re not used to it, but they help you secure your safety.

Some boundaries you might consider implementing are that you are entitled to saying no and not going along with something just because someone else wants you to, or not blaming yourself for someone else’s problems. They are vital in relationships with toxic or manipulative people. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself continuously hurt.

2. Have an Open Conversation

You should tell this person how you’re feeling. You may also discover the root of why they treat you the way they choose to. They may not know that their words and actions were harsh, but you cannot allow that to be an excuse. Apologies are great, but changed behaviour will show whether they meant it over time.

Talking candidly and honestly about how they’re becoming a detriment to your mental health is a necessary step in setting boundaries and trying to heal your relationship with them. Be honest and don’t feel like you need to sugarcoat things for their benefit — tell them what you need them to know, and if they love you, they will try to change for the better.

3. Take Inventory of Your Feelings

What you feel can be an important indicator of whether you should continue to move forward in your relationship with this person. Make sure to check in with yourself regularly, especially if you’re in a situation where you see this individual often. Feeling afraid of the person in question is one sign that you may be trapped in an abusive relationship.

Feelings of discomfort aren’t normal, and if you find your mental health slipping when around this person, you need to take measures to minimize your time with them. Coming up with an out is a great way to avoid too much exposure to someone you can’t avoid, like a family member. Things such as a made-up phone call or that you’re running late to an imaginary appointment can be effective.

4. Watch Out for Red Flags

If you’ve discussed your feelings with someone and they’re still behaving disrespectfully toward you, especially regarding something you asked them to avoid, it’s a red flag. Once you see the repeated behaviour start again after you’ve talked to them about it, you should begin looking for other issues you didn’t notice at the start of your relationship.

Some of the most common behaviours that could raise red flags include:

• The person yelling at you, especially in public.
• Intentionally embarrassing you in front of others.
• Threatening you with physical or emotional harm, whether in public or private.
• Forcing you to do something you don’t want to do.
• Limiting access to resources or people for seemingly no reason.

Identifying the signs of abuse or toxicity becomes easier when you know what to look for. Keep your eyes open and analyze the toxic person’s behaviours. If you try to talk to them about these behaviours, they should acknowledge and genuinely apologize for them. If not, start distancing yourself immediately, especially if they have threatened physical harm to you or themselves.

5. Cut Them Off

While this option might seem severe, it’s something to consider if your boundaries continue to be broken. Sometimes, the best thing you can do for yourself and the person you love is to cut off or go low contact with them. This means only talking to them when necessary and keeping firm boundaries up. If a boundary is crossed, you can lessen contact. If the person starts to respect you and your limits, you may feel like opening up more.

Still, if this relationship is troubling to you and you’re in a place where you can safely do so, cutting them off completely maybe your best option. If someone is threatening your mental health or physical safety, and you know you may not be able to have a conversation with them about their actions, you can ghost them without feeling guilty about it. Your safety is your top priority, not someone else’s feelings.

Don’t Let Toxicity Bring You Down

In a world of toxic positivity, you may often hear that you should just cheer up or shouldn’t allow yourself to feel negative emotions. You’re entitled to feel what you do, especially when you’ve been treated wrongly, and it’s OK to tell someone you feel terrible as a result of something they’ve said or done. Remember to care for yourself and step out of a situation if you don’t think there’s another way. Take measures to keep yourself safe and be your own advocate, and you’ll feel stronger in the long run.

*This is a collaborative post