Dating with Kids: Five Top Tips for Single Parents

Once you get into your thirties and forties, your life inevitably changes. You go from being a fun, flirty singleton to a mum whose sole focus is to get through the day without too many tears and too much washing.

If you’re not in a relationship, it’s an awful lot harder than if you’re lucky enough to have found that special someone. We all have friends who find themselves thrust into the role of single parent and most of them – understandably – have no intention of staying that way forever. They want what they had before and we want them to have it too.

But dating for these singletons is so much more difficult than it was in their younger days and a big part of this is having kids to take into account. Although they wouldn’t swap them for the world, it definitely complicates things.

If you can relate, know that you’re not alone. Here are five top tips for single parents to help you navigate the new relationship minefield.

Be proud that you’re a parent

We’re not for a second implying that you don’t light up with pride every time you look at your little ones but when it comes to meeting new people, it can often feel almost uncomfortable to raise the reality of your parenthood. It’s not that you’d change your babies for a second, it’s that you’re worried about potential partners being put off by your extra ‘baggage’. If this sounds familiar, remember this: the fact that you’re a great mum or dad is not a negative – it’s something you should be massively proud of. Talk about your kids, talk about your life and realise that anyone who doesn’t appreciate the fact that you’re a badass parent isn’t worth your time and definitely wouldn’t be the right partner for you in the long-run.

Don’t settle for less than you’re worth

If you’re a singleton who’s busy exploring the wonderful world of dating sites like Badoo, the chances are that you’ll meet plenty of different people. There are so many potential partners out there for you and just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you need to settle for someone who’s anything less than perfect. Although it can be tempting to think you’re somehow less worthy of a fairytale romance than someone who’s falling in love for the first time, this isn’t true at all. There are millions of people out there searching for the same thing as you and if you hold out for long enough, you’ll find the one both you and the kiddies truly deserve.

Take it slow

We know it’s a generalisation, but as you get older it can feel like you’re running out of time to meet someone. This sense of impending doom gets even worse when you have kids because it’s hard to think of raising them when you have no one to share your amazing experience with. This doesn’t mean you should rush into anything – in fact, it’s a good idea to take it extra slow once you have little ones in the picture. This is especially true for those parents who are doing most of the baby-raising by themselves, as you don’t want your children getting attached to someone who has no intention of sticking around. Keep your most precious commodity jealously hoarded away until you meet someone who’s genuinely worthy of a place in your beautiful little family.

Let them see your reality

Whether you’re a young professional in your 20s or a mum of three approaching 40, the same rule applies: honesty is the best policy. Yes, there’s some room for mystery and intrigue in every relationship, but you should make sure your partner understands your priorities early on – as early as the first date even. Although you might feel like you’ll frighten anyone off by telling them about your complicated relationship with your ex, the difficulties of juggling three under-fives and the fact you’ve barely slept in half a decade, this is not the case at all. Someone who’s prepared to take all of that on won’t be put off by hearing about it and anyone who can’t handle it is better off being instantly out of the picture rather than hanging around only to break your heart and bail on you further down the line.

Give hanging out together a chance

We meant what we said about taking things slowly, but if it’s going to get serious, your new partner has to meet your children at some point. Make sure their early interactions are as fun and easy for everyone as possible. You’re probably going to feel as nervous as hell beforehand, but assuage your panic by putting a plan into action. Think about what you’re going to do together in advance and deliberately choose something you know they’ll both enjoy. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a day at the zoo, a trip to the seaside or an afternoon at the museum, so long as you can give your partner and your children the best possible chance of starting off on the right foot. The most important thing is not to let your own fears show. If you’ve gone at a sensible pace and chosen wisely, he’s not going to run for the hills, your little ones won’t hate him and it will all go just fine. If it doesn’t, it will still be a great story to tell your grandkids!

Dating once you have children has so many more complicating factors than it does when you’re young and ‘free’. But that doesn’t mean it has to end in disaster or be a complete non-starter. Yes, it’s hard and yes, it’s scary, but you deserve to find happiness whether you’re 23 or 43 and it’s just waiting for you to go out there and grab it by the horns. What are you hesitating for? Sign yourself up for online dating, grab that pheromones perfume so that you are irresistible, and don’t give up until you find your very own Prince Charming.