Divorce – Now, that’s a pretty heavy word to use. The mere sound of it can really send shivers down your spine – one that’s dreadful or one that’s of relief. After all, who in their right minds would ever wish to go through such as ordeal? Nobody gets married with a grim future in mind. Every person who goes into marriage has eyes filled with hope.
Just think about it.
When you were a little girl or boy, marriage always seemed like a part of a fairy tale ending. It’s what cartoon shows would always depict, after all. Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, The Little Mermaid, and all those other Disney princesses would sing songs of love as if it’s the most beautiful thing ever. They will go through countless trials only to be saved with love. Now that I really think about it, childhood shows (in general) depict strong images and messages of love (see why). They teach young minds that love conquers all and that it comes to everyone at the right time.
I do agree with all that.
Which is why I think that reversing the bonds of marriage is one of the most painful experiences to go through. As a little girl, all you wanted was to find the right person to fall in love with, dedicate your all to that person, and grow old with them. You wanted a happily ever after. As a little boy, you wanted to be like a prince, a knight in shining armour. You wanted to meet that special person that would make you want to sweep her off her feet. You just wanted to live happy forever. So when all of that crumbles, when everything stops making sense, it can be very painful.
But then again, some things must be done.
There are relationships that have gone way beyond salvation. You would think that you want to save it as a first recourse but soon find that making it happen becomes more and more impossible. This is particularly true in marriages that have been tainted with violence, abuse, and disrespect. When a marriage is so broken that trying to hold it together causes both parties more and more pain, divorce becomes a saving grace. However, I would suggest that you bring up such a solution after everything else you’ve tried has failed. It should be a last recourse – even family court would tell you that.
When a relationship is toxic, the toxicity can spread not only to the couple but to the people around them as well. It even affects your health: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/high-octane-women/201108/the-hidden-health-hazards-toxic-relationships. If you have children and your home becomes far from harmonious because of constant fights and acts of violence, then calling the marriage off may be the best option to take. I’m saying this not just for your sake but mostly for your children’s. Having to grow up in a disconnected and unhappy household can leave a deep trauma in children during their growing years. It is during this time that they try to understand what is good and bad, what is right and wrong. Allowing them to mature in such a disruptive will definitely leave a mark in the future.
Keeping the family together is a nice thought. But making it happen under unfavourable and undesirable circumstances is very counterproductive. I have seen more children from broken families grow up to be successful individuals rather than those who come from households that, although complete, only know disrespect and abuse. Contempt and resentment blow up over time, after all. Your children will benefit more from separate yet emotionally-healthy parents.
Again, divorce is the last recourse. If you think you still have something worth saving, then save it with all your might. But when hanging on hurts more than letting go, then know that good help is within reach at all times. There are many professionals and establishments that can help you work out the whole thing. There’s even an amicable divorce article you can use for reference. They are more than willing to help you get through this really stressful experience in life.
Remember, by hanging on to pain, you are limiting your happiness. By desperately clinging on to the past, you disregard the future. Tread your path carefully and think a thousand times about what you want to do. The answer will come to you in time – definitely.
*This is a collaborative post*