Feeling a Little Lost…..

James had his first day at school yesterday. I wanted to write this post then but words actually failed me as I couldn’t decide what I wanted to say. I’m still a little unsure now so please forgive my rambling.

It doesn’t seem like two minutes since the midwife was placing a little bundle in my arms. I knew he was my last baby (we had decided before I got pregnant that with 3 boys between us already another baby would complete our family) so had decided I would cherish every little minute.

When everyone found out it was yet “another” boy there were a lot of comments along the lines of “didn’t you want a girl” and “oh she’ll be trying for that girl just you watch” but the truth is although I would have given anything for a girl it wasn’t to be and I could have continued “trying” but seriously there has to be a time when you finally say enough is enough. We certainly couldn’t afford more than the children we have and we certainly couldn’t fit anymore in our home! but I am very happy with my 3 very happy and healthy boys. Yes it took me a while to get to this happy place but I now know that I’m very happy and wouldn’t change them or our family for the world.

So fast forward 4 years and here we are first day at school. The years have gone scarily fast and there is so much that has happened within them.

However, I am now finding myself sat at home watching the clock (sort of). For the last 8 years I have been a stay at home mum and have known nothing else. It is very quiet in the home and although I have a list a mile long of all the things I should or could do at the minute I just don’t want to do them. I know I want to go back to work but again I am unsure what I want to do. I am at a crossroads in my life and I am at a total loss as to which way to go. I have a big birthday coming up next month and one that I think i am actually quite sad to be approaching but I will meet that and anything else that comes my way head on. Who knows what the future holds, definitely a wedding and lots of school runs that’s for sure. Maybe I should start up my driving lessons again, go horse riding or take up a sport.

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